When The Target Laughs
by Ukyou Kuonji
Summary: A fusion with Rumiko Takahashi's "Laughing Target," featuring Ukyou Kuonji in Asuza's role. She was made a promise, long ago, and now she's come to collect. And she's bringing powerful 'friends'... Revised, but unfinished.
1. Chapter 1

The day was coming to an end at Kotobuki Boys School, and the students began to filter out of the campus gates. A thin young man strode hurriedly away, trying to escape the rest of his classmates as soon as possible.   
  
To no avail. A larger student emerged shortly from the campus, and bellowed at the wiry young man, "Oi, Kuonji!"   
  
Tora-sempai. Ukyou Kuonji stopped in her tracks, and put a hand to her forehead. There was no escape from the all-seeing eyes of the bullying senior. She would have to face him, whether she wanted to or not.   
  
But she would not allow him to see her weakness. She took a deep breath before turning on her heel to face him as he approached. "What is it, Tora-sempai?"   
  
By now, the older boy had caught up, and had draped a more-than-brotherly arm over her shoulder, pulling her along with him. "Walk with me for a while, would you, Kuonji?"   
  
It nearly occured to Ukyou to ask if he was afraid of something, that he needed companionship so badly all at once, but such a comment might (deservedly) be interpreted as a taunt, and that might get her into a world of trouble and hurt. With as bland a voice as she could muster, she spoke: "What is it, sempai? Is something wrong?"   
  
"You bet there's something wrong, Kuonji. I watched you changing after gym class this afternoon." Ukyou felt her face pale at that, but tried to put down the fear that rose up in her gut. She tried to imagine what she would think if she really were a guy...   
  
"I didn't know you were into boys, sempai." Now her tone was taunting in earnest. She knew such an accusation, even in jest, would cause trouble for her. But the alternative was unthinkable for her.   
  
"I'm not, Kuonji...chan." Tora spun her to face him, and clamped his free hand over her other shoulder. Ukyou looked quickly and desperately around her; she had not been paying attention to where they had been walking, as she had been trying to weigh Tora-sempai's words and actions. It turned out he had guided her to a secluded section of a nearby park, a grove surrounded by trees. They could not be seen from the street. The unthinkable was rapidly approaching. "You know, you just accused me of being a pervert, and yet here you are, a girl in a boys school, in the locker room with the rest of us, all hung out for you to see... so, who's the pervert now?"   
  
Ukyou couldn't respond to that; it really hadn't occurred to her. She could care less about boys. After all, the last boy she had cared about... it was nine years ago, now... had... had... she couldn't bear to think about it. She had sworn off men, and to that end had, in effect, joined the enemy to hide from them. Now, she was about to be exposed...   
  
...In a big way. Tora-sempai began to unbutton his fly. He took his... thing... out and waved it at the trembling girl. "Well? Whaddya think? You've seen it every day, all this semester, and I never thought it mattered, ne? But it did, didn't it? You ain't got one of these, do ya? Well...   
  
"I'm gonna be real generous and give this one to you. How's that sound, Kuonji-chan?" Kuonji-chan. She'd never been addressed like that; she hadn't had the '-chan' diminutive attached to her name since... since that boy abandoned her. The last person to ever refer to her as a child, as a girl.   
  
She found herself being thrown to the ground, landing hard on her ass. Tora-sempai knelt down in front of her, and reached for the waistband of her pants. He began to undo her fly, fumbling with the buttons much as he might with his real girlfriend's bra strap.   
  
Ukyou's chi began to flare inside of her. Sempai or no, this was unforgivable. She reached for her spatula and swung...   
  
...only to have her followthough stopped by Tora-sempai, who held onto the handle with a grip of iron. "Ah-ah-ah... I know how you fight, Kuonji-chan, and I'm not lettin' ya do that. Not until I've had my fun. Not until you find out what a real man feels like..." The smile on his face oozed menace...   
  
...and then froze as he stared, slack-jawed, into the younger student's eyes. They had gone pure white, soulless, and furious. A rumble built up in Ukyou's throat that grew into a roar: "Toooooo-RAAAAA!!"   
  
Her bare hands slashed at his head, and tore a good-sized chunk off of his face. The sempai fell on his face between her legs, and she hurriedly backed away. She could hear the murmur of her friends approaching, and she stood up; whether he was dead or not would not matter now. They would attend to him....   
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Ukyou Kuonji presents   
A Ranma 1/2 - Rumik World crossover   
When The Target Laughs   
All rights to characters and scenarios belong to Rumiko Takahashi.   
------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Ukyou Kuonji walked away from the grove of trees. Alone.   
  
Behind her came sounds of chirping and howling, as if the unholy offspring of a coyote and a cicada were rejoicing over a freshly killed meal. Because that was what Tora-sempai had become.   
  
***  
  
Ukyou sighed as she proceeded to her job at a local okonomiyaki-ya. It looked as if she was going to have to change schools again.   
  
In her short life, this had become something of a pattern: as soon as she was discovered, she would have to transfer out as quickly as possible; before the school's faculty figured her out. And so, over the last nine or ten years, she had slowly been making her way north and east, towards Tokyo. She was well aware of how all roads led to the capital, and if she was patient enough, the closer she got to Tokyo, the more likely she was to obtain news of the Saotomes' whereabouts.   
  
It was always her fellow students who picked up on her first. Apparently, the adults that ran and staffed boys' schools throughout Japan were beyond entertaining the possibility that a girl might even *try* to attend, let alone fathoming the possible reasons *why*. But it was always best to leave before some fellow student squealed on her.   
  
Not that Tora-sempai's punishment was a common occurrence. Usually, it wasn't a serious matter for her to be discovered; at one school she remembered quite fondly having been nicknamed 'Shun' after a character in a manga series that had garnered fans around campus at the time. Of course, once she heard that bets were being placed on her real gender, she was forced to transfer out again before some of the older boys resorted to strip-searches to find out.   
  
Sometimes, it was only one boy in the whole school that figured her out: Tsubasa Kurenai had been like that. He had somehow picked up on her femininity almost from the day she enrolled in his school, and, not having much other opportunity to meet other girls, fell madly in love with her. His inimitable logic had concluded that, since she liked to cross-dress herself, the kind of boy she would like would have to be a cross-dresser too, and he proceeded to follow through on this conclusion. For his pains, he received a terrible reputation as a pantywaist, and a severe scorings regularly from his beloved Ukyou's combat spatula.   
  
But she reckoned his presence more as a nuisance rather than a threat. It was what spared him from a much worse fate.   
  
Because, as a lone girl amidst a pack of predatory boys, the ability she had to use deadly force could be sorely tempting...   
  
***  
  
"Tadaima, Mitsukuru-sensei!" Ukyou's face was a happy mask as she walked into the okonomiyaki-ya.   
  
"Okaeri nasai, Ukyou-kun." Mitsukuru-san was a kindly older man that had all but adopted Ukyou since she had arrived in ___. He had been impressed by his young charge's skill and understanding of the art of okonomi-yaki, and had trained her as best he could. Indeed, he had noted with some astonishment that Ukyou had learned almost anything he could teach her in very short order. "How was school today?"   
  
At her mentor's question, her face fell. Her role as a boy was one thing, but as a rule, Ukyou was not good at telling lies.   
  
Mitsukuru's face was sympathetic. "Bad day, huh? Classes, or...?"   
  
"Bully... after school... tried to..." It was all Ukyou could do to keep from actually crying. Boys didn't cry, after all. Of course, boys don't get threatened with rape, either...   
  
Mitsukuru walked around the counter, and placed his hands on Ukyou's shoulders. "There now, son. Bullies are a part of life, a part of growing up, I'm afraid. Fight them when you can, endure them when you must. It will pass, eventually..." He lifted Ukyou's chin to look him in the eyes. "I know you're strong enough to take care of yourself against them."   
  
A sad little smile grew on Ukyou's face... the things Mitsukuru-sensei didn't know...   
  
***  
  
It had been a busy day at the okonomiyaki-ya, and as the last few customers of the night paid their bills and left, Ukyou hung out the "Sorry, we're closed" sign in the window. That accomplished, she turned to her mentor.   
  
"Mitsukuru-sensei, I..."   
  
Mitsukuru could tell something was up. Something that ran deeper than simply being bullied on the schoolyard. "Ukyou-kun... what is it? You can tell me, you know..."   
  
No, I couldn't, sensei... there's just too much... 


	2. Chapter 2

In her little village, nestled along the borders of Kyoto and Osaka prefectures, Ukyou had never been well-regarded among her fellow children. She was the girl who had to work for a living, frying up what some disdained as 'carny food', so the other girls wouldn't associate with her -- not that she had the time to be bothered by that. Boys, too, tended to avoid this tomboyish cook, whose father seemed well nigh unapproachable to the average six-year-old.   
  
But then, a newcomer came to town with his father, a couple of nomadic martial artists, searching for the ultimate martial techniques. The son was about Ukyou's age, and saw in her an ideal playmate.   
  
Not that Ukyou viewed what little Ranma was doing to her as 'playing.' To her, it was deadly earnest -- fight the interloper off, before he could steal another okonomi-yaki from her father's yatai. But one day, as she picked herself up from the dust after her usual defeat, she looked up guiltily into her father's eyes...   
  
...and saw a smile and a twinkle.   
  
It turned out that he'd been provoking the fights in the first place. The Saotomes, with their hand-to-mouth existance on the fringes of society, were barely able to provide for themselves. Kuonji-san, at the same time, had decided it was time his little Ukyou learn some martial arts, and, at the same time, make friends with a boy. This, to him, was the perfect arrangement. So, he had let it slip to Ranma (unbeknownst to Ukyou), that if he could defeat Ukyou, he would get an okonomi-yaki for himself and for his father.   
  
The twinkle in Kuonji-san's eye was pride in his daughter's growing skill. True, Ranma was still the better fighter, and most likely would always be, but that was to be expected. He had, after all, already dedicated his few years to study of the Art, and Ukyou was far too far behind him to catch up. But the fact the she would not give up trying was enough to make Kuonji-san proud.   
  
Ukyou caught her father's smile, and while she continued to fight Ranma with all her might, from that day forth it was Ucchan who would make Ran-chan's okonomi-yaki herself... just as soon as he'd pulled her up from the ground and she dusted herself off.   
  
"You're gettin' pretty good, Ucchan." Ranma might say, as Ukyou stood before her sizzling grill.   
  
"At which, fighting or cooking?"   
  
"Well... both, really."   
  
"You mean it?" Ukyou practically glowed. Her sauce brush flew across Ran-chan's okonomi-yaki, and painted a goofy smiley face on it. Ranma leaned over her shoulder.   
  
"Say... that's pretty cute, Ucchan."   
  
Ukyou turned away, so that Ranma couldn't see her blush. She quickly took a sheet of waxed paper from a drawer underneath the grill and deftly scooped the okonomi-yaki onto the paper from the grill. "It's yours, Ran-chan."   
  
That grateful smile of his was somehow worth all the beatings he'd administered to her over the past few months. He sat down on a nearby tree root and began happily devouring his prize.   
  
"Y'know..." he said, cheeks full of okonomi-yaki, "I wish this could go on forever..."   
  
Ukyou blinked in surprise. "Do you mean it, Ran-chan?"   
  
Ranma looked up at his friend's eyes; now it was *his* turn to look surprised. And maybe a little confused. Ucchan's tone was a little more earnest than he'd expected. The look in his friend's eyes held more meaning than he had when he'd said that. But... "Yeah, sure... I guess so." Then he looked down a bit; his eyes wouldn't let Ucchan's gaze hold onto him. "...The problem is, I can't stay here much longer. Pop said the other day that we're gonna haveta move on soon."   
  
The news hit her harder than any blow he had ever landed on her. "Going...?" It came out as a tentative squeak.   
  
"Uh-huh. Pop's looking into some training grounds further off. Down south, in Kyushu or Shikoku, and maybe eventually we'll be going to Korea and China... who knows? So I'm gonna be leaving soon." Ukyou's heart ached as the little boy rattled off places he might be visiting in his quest, places she knew she'd never get to see. And he sounded so enthusiatic about it, too...   
  
Ukyou fought back tears. "Will I ever see you again?"   
  
"I sure hope so... we're friends, aren't we?" Ranma's response was bright and cheery.   
  
The tears vanished from Ukyou's eyes. "You mean it?"   
  
That question again. Something told Ranma he should be a little nervous about how he responded. As was to become customary, he ignored it. "Sure..."   
  
"Let's promise..." She held out her pinky. Ranma blinked and stared momentarily at Ukyou's gesture. Then, grinning, he wrapped his pinky around hers, and the two of them shook on it.   
  
So, it was done. The promise had been made. Now all Ukyou needed to do was to arrange this so the promise would be that much easier for Ran-chan to keep...   
  
***  
  
Old man Kuonji was crounched down on his haunches, his brow furrowed with concern at his daughter's suggestion. "You're a little young to be thinking about marriage, don't you think, Ukyou?"   
  
Ukyou had on a look of petulant determination. She was irresistably cute. "I know what I want, Daddy. Ran-chan's my best friend... he's the only friend I've ever had! And now he's leaving!" She fought back the tears, and composed herself. "I wanna go with them. I thought, maybe, I could be engaged to him..."   
  
Tatsuhiro Kuonji smiled at his daughter. "Let me talk with Ranma's father. I'll see what I can do."   
  
***  
  
She walked through the park, trying to clear her thoughts. She had broken down and given Mitsukuru-sensei her notice; she was leaving. As much as Mitsukuru was forced to admit that he had taught his prodigy as much as he could, he was still sad to see Ukyou go.   
  
He would have been the first to admit that it partly from selfish reasons -- Ukyou's skill and showmanship had built up a considerable clientele, and he dreaded the possibility of losing customers to wherever it was that Ukyou was moving on to.   
  
At the same time, Ukyou's imminent departure bothered him for reasons far outweighing business concerns. It may have been that Ukyou had learned much of the craft of okonomi-yaki, but in other ways, the child had yet to mature, and Mitsukuru-sensei had said so upon receiving the news. Especially if this had something to do with that bully. What Ukyou was doing was nothing less than running away from a problem.   
  
"Stand up to him and fight!" Mitsukuru-sensei's words echoed in her ears. She sat down on a bench, buying her face in her hands, weeping bitterly. How could she tell him that she already *had*?   
  
And how could *anyone* ever know how?  
  
She could not afford to cry for long. She needed to know... where to go from here? It was a constant dilemna she faced with every move she made. That didn't make things any easier, though.   
  
A nearby wastebin held a few newspapers. Maybe they could provide some guidance; any okonomiyaki-yas that were hiring, perhaps. She could only hope that the classified section was included in the discarded pile.   
  
It was the local color news her eyes fell onto first: The all-Tokyo Miss Martial Arts Takeout Delivery Race. Mitsuruku-sensei had been approached about entering a contestant, but had demurred, claiming he had no female staff as the rules seemed to require. Ukyou, obviously, said nothing... despite the fact that she thought she could have done well in such a competition.   
  
Imagine her annoyance to discover that the race had been won by one Ranma Saotome, representing Ichiban Ramen, Nerima. She *knew* he was a male... what was *he* doing competing? "Damn. I coulda run as a male, and maybe I coulda won." She shrugged as she tossed the section back into the waste bin. No sense in crying over spilled milk, after all, and there are more pressing matters to attend to, such as finding...   
  
...Ranma Saotome??!! She snatched the paper back from the bin. There were no pictures, but the profile was unmistakable. Blood type A positive, father Genma Saotome, nearly seventeen years old... it *had* to be him. She had found him, and he was in Nerima.   
  
A bright red aura began to flare around her, and the sounds of howling and chirping could be heard throughout the park. Ukyou was angry -- that meant food! The discordantly joyful sound was oppressive in Ukyou's ears.   
  
She fought back the maddening spirits; she would have her vengeance, and she would be in full control when she got it. The din died down to nothing, and a thin smile appeared on her lips. No longer would she be merely running away from something... she now had something to run toward. Something she'd been pursuing all her life.   
  
***  
  
She was walking through the business district of Nerima, looking either for an okonomiyaki-ya that was hiring, or an empty storefront where she might actually set up her own shop. All work and no play may have made Ukyou a dull girl, but she had the wherewithal to go into business for herself, even here in suburban Tokyo. She was just jotting down the phone number on a 'to let' sign when she saw him.   
  
Genma Saotome.   
  
She felt her blood boil as she watched him going about his business. Not a care in the world, the man had. Well, she'd change *that*.   
  
Deep in her ears, she heard the sound of her hungry friends, begging for release, for the taste of blood and anger. She squeezed her eyes shut, and willed them to be silent. It would simply not do to assault him here and now. Not only was it a crowded street, with far too many witnesses, he wouldn't see it coming. He had to acknowledge his sins, and *then* she would make him pay for them.   
  
***  
  
Genma Saotome felt a slight tickle in his nose, as if were about to sneeze, but the moment passed without incident. There was a lighthearted spring in his step, and why wouldn't there be? He and Ranma were comfortably ensconced at the Tendo Dojo, and he *knew* his old friend Soun would never kick them out. Especially now that Ranma was officially engaged to marry Soun's daughter, Akane. What a perfect match, these two! Especially now that the whole Daikoku mess had been sorted out. No more other fiancees to worry about...  
  
Had Genma been somewhat more observant, he might have noticed that there were more tangible reasons for the spring in his step. Such as the ground moving up slightly beneath each footfall.  
  
And on each footprint-shaped protrusion, a pair of glowing eyes followed the middle-aged man as he made his way back to the dojo, whistling tunelessly.  
  
Ukyou's spies were on the job. Anything for a meal.  
  
***  
  
Ukyou followed the footprints as they led to a sizable residence in the northern part of Nerima. It looked like the Saotomes had found themselves quite a home. Granted, the name on the shingle did say '*Tendo* School of Anything-Goes Martial Arts," but who's to say they hadn't moved in with a sensei?  
  
Ten-do... the way of the sky. Maybe it referred to an airborne combat style? It would make things a little more difficult, considering her own earthbound style, but nothing she thought she couldn't handle. After all, she was this close to her goal... why should such a little thing stand in her way now?  
  
She chuckled as she thought about the other meaning of "Tendo:" The Way of Heaven. Pity that Genma Saotome was about to be shipped to the wrong address... 


End file.
